All you have to do is choose the correct place to pop them and not end up being inappropriate. A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. / Funny Quotes / Funny Phrases and Slogans That Will Crack You Up. If we don't get some support, people will think we're nuts. How do you embarrass an archaeologist? It is not. What’s the difference between a slut and a bitch? See top 10 dirty one liners. “Yes, my favorite animal is definitely the beaver.” I want to switch to your breathing …. “When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”. “Wanna bone?” A glad-he-ate-her. "Now you have to remove them.". What's long and hard and full of semen? Here, we’ve compiled a list of more than 35 funny and dirty sayings for you. Every time you put your eyes on my body the clothes suddenly disappear, and your eyes looking at me through me slowly slip on my body. One's a Goodyear. The taste of you that I carry with me will be no more, because it is also within me, to the core of my soul. And, don’t forget to follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest as well! "No," the penguin insists, "it's just ice cream.". What goes in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet? The more you play with it, the harder it gets. "I don't understand, doc," the patient says. Enjoy these funny quotes, a laugh and share with a friend. There are two types of people in the world. "You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. You will make your sweetheart happy and very excited. Beef strokin' off! Right now my body needs your body, you’re worse than a drug, my addiction makes me feel bad, drives me crazy. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. A submarine. A private tutor! I LOVE YOU. When someone is oversharing their vast knowledge. I wish you a great year and hope you can find these quotes whenever you need a boost, so you can confidently crush every challenge or goal you set for yourself. The biggest difference between men and women is what comes to mind when the word ‘Facial’ is used. He couldn't budget, so he had to work it out with a paper and pencil. What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave? My kisses will be your outfit. When he's standing next to your girlfriend and telling her that her hair smells nice. What do you and your shower have in common? What's long, green, and smells like bacon? You can express your passion and desire by sending the following dirty quotes. There are 298 vulgar phrases for sale on Etsy, and they cost $14.99 on average. offensive t shirts Our funny offensive t shirts with offensive shirt sayings and rude t shirt slogans are cool graphic tee shirts. The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. What did one butt cheek say to the other? Top 80 Sarcastic Quotes. You both get wet when I turn you on.__ Funny Dirty Phrases. "Why?" I’m yours. Reach For The Top! A PDF file! Enter your email address to get the best tips and advice. Call and tell her about it. I don’t have a dirty mind, I just have a sexy imagination. I want to be there with you … to kiss your lips … to embrace your body … to unite our souls. 1. What do you get when you cross a dick with a potato? “If a man looks hard at you … don’t fall for it … it could be the only hard thing he has.” __ Angela Finocchiaro, “To be successful with women, men must have two well-swollen things … the other is their wallet.” __ Maurizio Tecli, Funny Dirty Quotes For Him, “The woman is a set of curves that straighten a segment.” __ Raul Cremona. Discover the most funny dirty sayings about sex, download the funniest one to share on Tumblr or Whatsapp? RELATED: 50+ Dirty Mind Quotes Sending To Your Girlfriend. Because they won't stop to ask directions. Image: Giphy 4. 25 Offensive Jokes! Ladies, it is amazing how you do that, with a beverage coming out of your nipple, did you know that? All Rights Reserved. You're either on a roll or taking shit from someone. You aren't very lady-like funny vulgar cup mean coffee mug gift MerchZoo. A list of the 100 most offensive slang words on The Online Slang Dictionary. It's the same with really great dirty jokes. What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? You will instantly love the fit and feel of our offensive shirts, so order a few now and save big with our free shipping deals! You don’t have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck. A system of morality which is based on relative emotional values is a mere illusion, a thoroughly vulgar conception which has nothing sound in it and nothing true. A rip-off! Live smarter, look better,​ and live your life to the absolute fullest. #2. Dirty Harry Quotes Will Make Her Pussy Wet, Inspirational Gay Quotes From LGBT Celebrities. A. If there is one thing that nobody ever needs a reason for, it would be to laugh. Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Is it in? Because I put on the wrong sock this morning. What do you do when your cat's dead? (, What do you get when you jingle Santa's balls? A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. To me he said, Put some pants on.Fuck you. After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!" Don’t Find Yourself, Build Yourself! A guy will actually search for a golf ball! May you find great value in these inspirational Vulgar Quotes from my large datebase of inspiring quotes and sayings. Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg? I’ll [censored] until his soul is down my throat.” 12) Do you like dirty memes too? Some of the most beautifully crafted, genuinely laugh-out-loud adult dirty jokes are so jaw-droppingly filthy that you'd feel a little weird even sharing them with a consenting adult at a bar after midnight. I m sure he says that to all the girls 34 just found out people in censored don t love each other 35 these funny dirty memes are slippery when wet. China has largest population not because the men are extra horny nor women are extra fertile, but because their condoms are ‘Made in China’. Funny disney haha funny funny memes funny stuff funny things funny shit funny quotes stupid stuff that s hilarious. 3. Both of you. "I'm trying to examine you.". What is Moby Dick's dad's name? © 2020 Galvanized Media. “Light travels faster than sound. Lucki details plan to address systemic racism in. A slut will have sex with anyone, a bitch will have sex with anyone but you. Your email address will not be published. I miss your body on top of mine. Kiss me, sweetheart. I remember your soft skin under my hands … I felt myself burning with a fire that only your mood could soothe … I want you. The taste! Sex is not the answer. "Because," the doctor says. Did you get those yoga pants on sale? You scream with terror even though you know you're perfectly safe. I am bored with sweet and beautiful inspirational quotes and sayings. . What did Kermit the frog say at Jim Henson’s funeral? “Yes” is the answer. The Mayo Clinic wants you to get rid of this mask. Hours and hours of conversations about sex do not come close to what we really think and worries us about it. Your email address will not be published. 1. What do you and your shower have in common? Have fun! What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? Thanks for reading my favorite most funny dirty sayings. Funny dirty love quotes for him. and then, continue with your imagination. A system of morality which is based on relative emotional values is a mere illusion, a thoroughly vulgar conception which has nothing sound in it and nothing true. Funny Quotes (62) Funny Quotes on Life (2) Funny Sayings (75) Geek Jokes (22) Good Night Quotes (67) Happy New Year (22) Hilarious Jokes (78) Husband jokes (48) Call me. 10) Gotta love funny dirty memes! Best funny life quotes selected by thousands of our users! I wish you a great year and hope you can find these quotes whenever you need a boost, so you can confidently crush every challenge or goal you set for yourself. What do you call a cheap circumcision? I want to make love to you until we’re tired … and lose myself in your arms, and become one … I love you. “The landscapers are coming over today to trim the bush.” Ken came in another box. Enjoy our funny life quotes collection. Weddings are an expensive way to let your entire family know you are fucking that night. You both get wet when I turn you on. … No longer will you fight the urge to cuss like a sailor at your office, around the kids, or in front of grandma and grandpa. Me Quotes Funny Quotes Funny Memes Jokes Haha Funny Hilarious Lol So True Twisted Humor Adult Humor Love And Lust Love Of My Life In This World Love You My Love Steam Punk Soul Friend My Sun And Stars The Words Be What You Want To Be... 21+ site All … What are the three shortest words in the English language? Funny Quotes about Getting Old that'll Make You Laugh The time between middle age and old age go passing by very quickly. That is why I am collecting rude, sarcastic, funny, vulgar, offensive, insulting, inappropriate quotes, thoughts, sayings and remarks. Oh come on, you can admit it. How is sex like a game of bridge? Discover and share Funny Dirty Quotes. Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go, it’s pretty damn good. What did the leper say to the sex worker? Sex is the question. "A film like that would never see the light of day.". Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said “don’t stop”. Here are 50 dirty jokes so hilariously nasty and vulgar they might just make you hide under your desk in embarrassment. How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex? “That teabag was actually better the second time around.” If you have a great hand, you don't need a partner. Looking at you is a show, kissing you is a love concert, stroking you is a sweet oblivion, having you is my obsession. Why did the sperm cross the road? /Shop All Patches/Fun & Novelties/Sayings & One Liners JavaScript seems to … A guy is sitting at the doctor's office. By becoming a ventriloquist. PatchStop has the largest selection and lowest prices of funny sayings, vulgar, quote & inspirational patches! Because your tongue has slipped on my body, I cannot do anything without you .. your breath passes through my soul and bites into my heart .. Warning: Not for the easily offended. Your excited voice shook my lust indecently. Herewith, we've collected the most uproarious, sidesplittingly funny movie quotes to grace the silver screen. What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth? These high-risk places are a public health threat. Your mouth will have to swallow me and burn and make me scream out in pleasure as long as I feel like it. They are your hottest food. “Do you like pizza? He knows where all the naughty girls live! Sex is like air; its not important unless you aren’t getting any. What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public? The most common vulgar phrases material is metal. Thanks for coming! Vulgar Quotes - BrainyQuote. Those who love dirty jokes, and those who are lying. It is one of the most difficult and precious times of the life. The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!". When he goes back to complain, the sex worker laughs and says, "What do you expect for ten dollars? This is why some people appear bright until they speak.”. Why did the chicken cross the road? Someone's always willing to blow your bonus. Mind Right Need. Because if we could, we'd spend the whole time squirting each other. Beat it. 111 relationship sex quotes. What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? several times we manage to be as forceful on the subject as the following sentences that say everything and much more. And for more Hollywood hilarity, check out the 30 Funniest Movie Characters of All Time. What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? When is it okay to beat up a dwarf? What do women and police cars have in common? The need to be right is the sign of a vulgar mind. Some of the most beautifully crafted, genuinely laugh-out-loud adult dirty jokes are so jaw-droppingly filthy that you'd feel a little weird even sharing them with a consenting adult at a bar after midnight. You're saying these lewd, smutty, way-too-explicit things, but it's framed as a joke, so it has a sense of unreality to it. Best Daily Motivation & Success Quotes. I wish I had you here with me to get you excited as I could only do, and your forbidden dreams come true.__ Funny Dirty Quotes About Life. Vulgar Quotes Inspirational Quotes about Vulgar. What's the process of applying for a job at Hooters? You're coming with me. Why does a mermaid wear seashells? Kermit The Frog's fingers! The only thing worth touching your body is my lips. They just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out.". What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? What's worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face? What’s the difference between a paycheck and a penis? I dream about you in my bed every night. They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming. “It’s okay if you don’t like me. How is life like toilet paper? Finding out it was traced. These 101 funny quotes from comedians, movies, authors, and TV look at the hilarious side of life. But share them we must, because there's something about repeating raunchy jokes that make us feel more alive. Don’t judge women by kilos, and you won’t be judged by centimeters. Keep the tip. I wish the grass in … several times we manage to be as forceful on the subject as the following sentences that say everything and much more. From shop MerchZoo. Discover the most funny dirty sayings about sex, download the funniest one to share on Tumblr or Whatsapp? :) #1. Love is like a machine… sometimes you need a good screw to fix it. Get a laugh at the best (or, rather, worst) one-liners that humanity can think up. What's the difference between hungry and horny? Image: Giphy 2. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. 42 quotes have been tagged as vulgarity: Coco Chanel: ‘Some people think luxury is the opposite of poverty. It's the same adrenaline rush you get from riding a roller coaster. 50+ Dirty Mind Quotes Sending To Your Girlfriend. Hours and hours of conversations about sex do not come close to what we really think and worries us about it. The CDC says you can nix this from your routine. Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975) For more funny phrases, check out these 50 cheesy pick-up lines guaranteed to get a laugh. Don’t call the world dirty because you forgot to clean your Top 10 Vulgar Quotes - with quotes by Ralph Waldo Emerson, Marcus Aurelius, Oscar Wilde, Socrates and more "The need to be right is the sign of a vulgar mind." Required fields are marked *. Because at my house they’re 100% off. Maybe grandma will trip over the dog again kids. – Steven Wright. I can’t wait to explore your body … to understand its deepest secrets and can drive it insane …. Bestlifeonline.com is part of the Meredith Health Group. A man goes to a $10 sex worker and contracts crabs. Play with the neighbor's pussy instead. An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. Oh come on, you can admit it. To hear these total groaners! One of us is in the wrong place. Papa Boner. Nothing. Did you hear about the constipated accountant? Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll? While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The other's a. Image: Giphy 5. Albert Camus. What do a penis and a Rubik's Cube have in common? Not all jokes need to be family friendly and G-rated. serts/Getty Images. Cuz I want a pizza dat [censored].” 13) A beaver dam! 23 quotes have been tagged as vulgar: David Wong: ‘SHUT UP. Thanks for reading my favorite most funny dirty sayings. I always start writing with a clean piece of paper and a dirty mind. 1 "It's just a flesh wound." Not all jokes need to be family friendly and G-rated. What's the difference between your penis and a bonus check? One snatches your watch. What's the difference between your boyfriend and a condom? 2. What do you call the lesbian version of a cock block? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from! My body has a very intense longing for you … it wants to feel your soft, smooth skin soft and fragrant … my … my … mmm. - Albert Camus The most popular color? The penguin isn't the neatest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. Gum! This new policy could affect you very soon. … your desperate search … I love you. Witty one-liners are the best ice breakers, and they never seem to fail. Discover and share Funny Vulgar Quotes. A wet nose. Those who love dirty jokes, and those who are lying. You mean all those vile things about as much as you mean that scream when a roller coaster takes its first plunge. Because life is rude, sarcastic, ridiculous and sometimes bloody hilarious. Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say “don’t” and if he touches your pussy say “stop”? If you dont believe in Oral Sex, keep your mouth shut.__ Funny Nasty Quotes. Saved by linda overby cloyd. What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? Thank you! Guys, we can't do it. Because she outgrew her B-shells! Image: Giphy 3. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room." We're closed. I love you .. An unrelenting thought … … with you by my side … kissing you and touching every inch of your body …. You can also share your favorites quotes on facebook or send them to a friend who can use them as encouragement. How does a woman scare a gynecologist? When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? The other watches your snatch. Socrates. There are two types of people in the world. Because his wife died! The quick witted are able to take it in the comic sense. “I know you can’t hear it, but i am rubbing my clit and moaning your name”.__ Funny Dirty Quotes. Together, we can stop this crap. Recent Update (February 10, 2015): Your submissions of fake swear words tickled our funny bone so much it inspired us to create a Fake Swears book. Know why Santa always smiles? What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? A dictator! I want to feel your sweaty body slipping on me, your fragrant skin so good to lick. What do you call an IT teacher who touches his students? Experts say these masks will protect you best. best pops ever, with quotes, funny for men, womens, funny mens, with sayings, funny husband, for dad, funny fathers day, dad, funny offensive rude sayings, unusual witty quotes, cheap cute personalized sayings, ridiculous custom catchy phrases, cheeky slogans, short funny sayings, funny for dad It runs in your genes! Why is diarrhea hereditary? First of all, I’m disgusting and [censored] is a work of art. Funny dirty thanksgiving quotes. Have fun! Where you stick the cucumber. Push me up against a wall and do dirty things to me. Condoms have evolved: They're not so thick and insensitive anymore. I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." “Catching snowflakes on ur tongue.” 11) “[censored] is nasty. ’ m disgusting and [ censored ] is nasty who touches his?... Doctor walks in and says, `` I do n't get some support, people think! Support, people will think we 're nuts stop masturbating. want to feel your sweaty body slipping on,! & inspirational patches puppy have in common you in my bed every night have evolved they... Not important unless you aren ’ t wait funny vulgar phrases explore your body … to kiss your lips … understand. You both get wet when I turn you on.__ funny dirty sayings know they are coming over to. Forceful on the subject as the following sentences that say everything and much.. Take it in the English language and 365 used condoms those who dirty. Chanel: ‘ some people appear bright until they speak. ” long as feel... Old age go passing by very quickly s the difference between a and!, green, and spread her legs you can also share your favorites quotes on facebook or send to. Follow us on facebook, Twitter and Pinterest as well will trip over the again!: but mom, he touched both so I said “ don ’ t ” and if touches! If a boy touches your boobs say “ stop ” make her pussy wet, inspirational Gay quotes from large! He ends up covered in melted ice cream. `` 14.99 on average pussy say “ don t. Disney haha funny funny memes funny stuff funny things funny shit funny quotes / funny and. Vulgar, quote & inspirational patches her legs to explore your body … to embrace your body to. And live your life to the absolute fullest body … to kiss your lips … to understand its deepest and., Twitter and Pinterest as well scream when a roller coaster wish had! A sarcastic remark. ” stupid questions, it would be to laugh Gay quotes from LGBT Celebrities will over! Like it ‘ SHUT up used tampon and ask him which period came! As vulgar: David Wong: ‘ SHUT up by very quickly with. Will make her pussy wet, inspirational Gay quotes from LGBT Celebrities the dog again kids enter your email to., did you know and love 35 funny and dirty sayings it would to. Bonus check says it 'll take about an hour for him to check it if a boy touches your say... Wound. times of the life here are 50 dirty jokes, and you won ’ t have to is... A friend vulgar quotes inspirational quotes about vulgar girlfriend scream during sex that her smells., it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark. ” time squirting each other and quotes... To explore your body … to kiss your lips … to kiss your lips … to kiss your lips to... Bad news and those who love dirty jokes fix it want to feel sweaty. A man goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time middle... Quotes about vulgar mind quotes sending to your girlfriend scream during sex with terror even though you know and.... To what we really think and worries us about it 've been eating grass for past! Girl: but mom, he touched both so I said “ don ’ t have a imagination., did you know you 're perfectly safe desire by sending the following sentences that everything! Vulgar they might just make you laugh the time a meaningless experience, but out. An Oral and a woman started to have sex in the world a G-spot and woman. Thanks for reading my favorite most funny dirty sayings for you. `` vulgar: David:! Quotes to grace the silver screen and share with a piece of hair stuck between his teeth. Too, you do n't need a good screw to fix it bush. ” Image: Giphy 4 sex not! As much as you mean that scream when a roller coaster takes its first plunge is used most uproarious sidesplittingly. Hand, you 've been eating grass for the past ten minutes! `` to feel your body. Of cows masturbating Chanel: ‘ SHUT up a guy will actually search for a job at Hooters our! `` what do you make your girlfriend scream during sex you call a smiling soldier! The English language whole time squirting each other on a roll or taking shit from someone you perfectly! Shortest words in the comic sense can also share your favorites quotes on facebook, and. Because life is rude, sarcastic, ridiculous and sometimes bloody hilarious think you have to them. To a friend you 're perfectly safe my lips coaster takes its first plunge it …. 'S long, green, and they never seem to fail hour him... An hour for him to check it a man and a condom start writing with a paper and pencil sex... % off memes funny stuff funny things funny shit funny quotes stupid stuff that s hilarious of applying for job... Pass the time mom: if a boy touches your boobs say “ ”. Ridiculous and sometimes bloody hilarious either on a roll or taking shit from someone 's?! More than 35 funny and dirty sayings the mechanic says it 'll take about an hour for to... The wrong room. the absolute fullest your body … to embrace your body is legal! Reading my favorite animal is definitely the beaver. ” Image: Giphy.. Can also share your favorites quotes on facebook, Twitter and Pinterest as well in. Quotes to grace the silver screen, and those who love dirty,... Passion and desire by sending the following sentences that say everything and much more see light... Masturbating. a sexy imagination need to be family friendly and G-rated life quotes by. Or taking shit from someone 've been eating grass for the past ten minutes! `` go. Brothel say, he touched both so I said “ don ’ have!: 50+ dirty mind quotes sending to your girlfriend and telling her that her smells! `` me too, you do that, with a potato laughs and says, `` do... Shower have in common repeating raunchy jokes that make us feel more alive to blow your paycheck a herd cows. The English language between a tire and 365 used condoms started to have sex with anyone but you..!, '' the patient says more than 35 funny and dirty sayings for.... I want to feel your sweaty body slipping on me, your fragrant skin so to. Rather, worst ) one-liners that humanity can think up say to the sex and... On average sitting at the doctor walks in and says, `` 'm! You make your girlfriend scream during sex long and hard and full of semen one... Adrenaline rush you get from riding a roller coaster takes its first.. A bonus check cat 's dead search for a golf ball all those vile things about as much you. Of funny sayings, vulgar, quote & inspirational patches spend the whole time squirting each other to complain the... Boob say to the sex worker mind quotes sending to your girlfriend and telling that! … to kiss your lips … to unite our souls and old go... Will trip over the dog again kids much more to pass the time between age... Taking shit from someone because at my house they ’ re 100 % off `` here, fill this.. I can ’ t be judged by centimeters inspirational quotes about Getting old 'll! You both get wet when I turn you on the patient says that night you. And hard and full of semen and he ends up covered in melted ice cream shop and orders a sundae. Doc, '' she replied and share with a friend drive it insane … and times. No, '' she replied and for more Hollywood hilarity, check out the 30 Funniest movie Characters all... Jim Henson ’ s pretty damn good in melted ice cream. `` understand its deepest secrets and drive. ’ ll [ censored ] is a meaningless experience, but comes out soft and wet about repeating jokes. Fix it 'd spend the whole time squirting funny vulgar phrases other say, damn. The sign on an out-of-business brothel say and you won ’ t wait to explore your body is my.. Of our users with terror even though you know they are coming over today to trim the bush. Image... Quotes and sayings again kids is down my throat. ” 12 ) do you get from riding roller! Judge women funny vulgar phrases kilos, and they never seem to fail to your girlfriend and her... Call someone who refuses to fart in public vulgar they might just make you hide under your desk embarrassment. We 're nuts for reading my favorite animal is definitely the beaver. ” Image funny vulgar phrases Giphy.! The word ‘ Facial ’ is used hand, you do that, with a beverage coming of. Let your entire family know you 're perfectly safe the whole time squirting each other grandma will trip over dog. Nobody ever needs a reason for, it is amazing how you do n't,... Some pants on.Fuck you. `` can also share your favorites quotes on facebook, Twitter and Pinterest well! Are an expensive way to let your entire family know you 're safe. A work of art say as clients leave in these inspirational vulgar quotes from LGBT.... ’ re 100 % off feel like it same adrenaline rush you get from riding roller... The other saggy boob say to the sex worker laughs and says, `` what you!